Just when we thought that flu season was about to end for the year, an outbreak of Wi-Madison flu has struck with a wholly illogical vengeance!
Though the evidence is not official, it seems that the influenza strain is a direct result of having to swallow a bitter pill of reality. This medicine causes all sorts of side effects previously undiscovered in recent years... due to the unavailability of this prescription!
Here is just a partial list of severe symptoms and immediate reactions:
- Widespread sickness sets in on certain select overcompensated professions
- Shuts down all public schools, leaving the children unfed
- The infected will mass together at non infected homes and state capitols
- Causes aggravated, heated, angry, and uncivil rhetoric, complete with cross-hair signs and Nazi symbols
- Causes the president to comment, and subliminally empathize with the stricken
- Causes hostage negotiators to fly in and offer to broker a cure
- Causes certain legislators to flee their jobs for "undisclosed" locations
- Causes the media to use the words "undisclosed" and "unfair" repeatedly
- Call out the National Guard and have them move all state owned buses to flooded areas where they cannot be used
- Tow any new high end Mercedes or Corvettes parked about town, as they belong to the union leaders spreading the flu
- Call the undisclosed location, and offer money to owners to house legislative refugees there until new special elections are held to replace them
- Tell the media that someone coordinated the whole thing from Wasilla,Alaska and give them plane tickets
- Pass out free Obama T-shirts to crowds so they know protests are over
- Schedule and announce Lady Gaga will appear immediately in a neighboring town and there will be more T-shirts
- Set up a training day for teachers so they will understand their pink slips
- Tell students that they will need to make up two days for every day their teachers are out... and provide them picket signs that say "Get back to work!"